Christmas would not be Christmas without you
by harmony mackenzie rabb
Summary: Harm is plegded with thoughts on how him getting with mac will make this worse, however at the same time mac is having dreams of losing him. She cant stand waiting for him forever. will harm lose mac becuase he cant get over his fear?


Name Christmas would not be Christmas without you  
  
Author name melfina-gene-starwind  
  
feedback at harmonymacenzierabb@yahoo.com  
  
Rating PG  
  
Classification - Romance  
  
Spoilers - None  
  
Summary- Mac is having nightmares over losing Harm. While Harm has to fight with   
  
his demons that are keeping him away from Mac. If he dose not hurry, he may lose   
  
her forever.  
  
Disclaimer- I don't not own any of the characters and please do not flame me.   
  
  
  
It was a snowy, chilly December evening. Mac was sitting on her sofa reading a   
  
book. She became very absorbed in it and, before she knew it, it was 10 p.m. She   
  
glanced at the clock on the wall, even though she really didn't need to. 'Harm   
  
is probably on a plane right now.' she thought. I wish I were with him. She was   
  
supposed to be spending Christmas with Chloe's family. But, Chloe had a bad case   
  
of the flu, along with her grandmother and her father. So, she wouldn't be   
  
spending this Christmas up North, in a beautiful house in the woods, with people   
  
that cared for her. She was here alone in her apartment trying to stave off   
  
holiday depression.   
  
She could not help feeling a bit down. She was on leave and had nowhere to go.   
  
Her bags, which she hadn't gotten around to unpacking, yet, were sitting by the   
  
door; a taunting reminder of her cancelled holiday festivities. Her apartment   
  
was not even decorated with Christmas things. She had thought that it would be   
  
no use since she was not going to be here. Besides, she had been incredibly busy   
  
of late...as she looks around her apartment she decides that it would help to   
  
raise her spirits if she put some Christmas things up. She would do that   
  
tomorrow. Mac got up from the soft, comfortable sofa and walked to the kitchen.   
  
She opened the refrigerator, took out some milk and set it on the counter. After   
  
that, she grabbed a small, silver pot from the cabinet, and set it on the stove.   
  
Turning on the stove, she grabbed the milk, and poured the cool, white liquid   
  
into the pot. As she waited for the milk to heat up she grabbed some chocolate   
  
from another cabinet. Nothing like a good dose of chocolate to soothe the   
  
desolate soul of a woman.   
  
After a few minutes the milk was ready so she poured the steaming milk into a   
  
mug and added the chocolate. She then turned the stove off and returned to the   
  
living room with her treasure. After placing it down, she went to her bedroom   
  
and grabbed a heavier blanket and a pillow so she could be as comfortable as   
  
possible. Mac returned to her sofa where she placed the pillow down and then sat   
  
down herself. She covered herself with the blanket and grabbed the book that she   
  
had been reading. The drink had cooled down a bit by then and she started to sip   
  
it while reading her book. After about an hour she had put the mug down and had   
  
drowsily drifted to sleep on the sofa. Her dreams were of Harm.   
  
**********************************   
  
6 hours before   
  
Harm was in his apartment getting ready for his trip West. He was going to visit   
  
his parents, as he had not seen them in awhile. A secret part of him would have   
  
loved to have Mac make the trip with him but that would never happen. Besides,   
  
she was going to go see Chloe in Vermont. He thought of the last time he saw her   
  
and how she looked as, he made sure that he had packed all he needed. 'I wish I   
  
had gotten a chance to say good-bye today but we both got so swamped with work   
  
that there was no time. Damn me and all my problems. Why can't I get past the   
  
fear that I will lose her if we get close romantically? I love what we have and   
  
I don't want to lose that. What if I take the risk with this amazing friendship   
  
that we have and we both end up with nothing. We lose the romantic love and the   
  
friendship, too. I couldn't take it. But, I love this woman. She is the best   
  
thing that has ever happened to me. Maybe things are as good as they can get the   
  
way they are. She doesn't seem to mind that we are not together in that sense.   
  
In fact, things are perfect now. We go out more then ever and spend as much time   
  
together as we can. I need to stop worrying about this, if I don't I will not   
  
have a ruin Christmas for my family by being lost in my gloomy soliloquy.'  
  
While he was tormenting himself with his musings, musings that had caused many a   
  
night of turmoil for him more times than he'd care to admit, the phone rang. I   
  
wonder if that's mom, checking to see if I've left yet. He picked the phone that   
  
was on the nightstand.  
  
"Hello..." He stated.   
  
"Hello Harm, this is Chloe." He wouldn't have recognized her if she hadn't told   
  
him who it was. Her voice was rough, gravelly and she punctuated the statement   
  
with a cough. She sounded terrible.   
  
"Chloe, what's the matter? You sound sick." Harm asked worriedly.   
  
" I am sick. We all are. We all have the flu, my father, my grandma and me. I'm   
  
miserable. She blew her nose and coughed again. Listen, the reason I called is   
  
because Mac isn't coming because we are all extremely contagious. But, I'm   
  
worried about her being home alone for the Christmas. Do you think you could   
  
stop by and check on her before you leave town to visit your parents?" She   
  
inquires.  
  
"How did you know that I was going to see my parents?" He asked.   
  
"How do you think I found out? Mac told me. She talks about you all the time."   
  
"She does? What does she say?" He asked curiously. He felt a little guilty about   
  
digging, especially since Chloe shouldn't be talking right now, judging from the   
  
sound of her voice.   
  
"I don't know if I should say..." Chloe started to cough raggedly again.   
  
"That's okay, Chloe. Thanks for letting me know about Mac being alone. She's   
  
very lucky to have a friend like you." He paused for a moment and decided to   
  
trade in his first class ticket for 2 plane tickets, so he could ask Mac to   
  
spend the holidays with him and his family.   
  
"Harm are you still there?"   
  
"Yes and I have to go. So do you, you shouldn't be straining your voice like   
  
this. I need to finish packing, go get another plane ticket and invite Mac to   
  
spend Christmas with my family and me. I don't want her to be alone for   
  
Christmas, either. Bye Chloe and I hope you get better soon." Harm said.   
  
"Merry Christmas. Oh, and Harm, one question?"   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Are you in love with her?"   
  
"Well, I...I..."  
  
"If you do then why are you two not together?"  
  
"There are too many implications to that type of relationship between us that   
  
you are too young to understand."   
  
"What's here to understand, you love her and she loves you. Whatever it is   
  
keeping you from her is stupid. Love can get you though anything."   
  
"Chloe, love is only that simple in the innocent minds of youth."  
  
"Can you at least tell me one of the reasons you haven't gotten together?" Harm   
  
couldn't believe he was having this conversation with a pre-teen. A conversation   
  
that he could barely hold with himself let alone anyone else. He hadn't revealed   
  
the fears behind his reasoning to anyone.  
  
"I am afraid of losing what we have for something that seems wonderful, but if   
  
it doesn't work out would leave us both with nothing but heartache. She doesn't   
  
need another man to hurt her, and I don't think I could bear it if I were the   
  
one to break her heart like that again."   
  
"Think about this, Harm. What if you lost her because you would not take the   
  
chance to be with her. What if this is your opportunity and you're letting it   
  
get away. It almost happened once. Next time you may not be so lucky. Well, I   
  
have to go. Bye Harm. Tell Mac Merry Christmas for me." Before he had the chance   
  
to say anything else, he heard a click and then the dial tone. He put the phone   
  
down and finished packing riddled with 'what if' thoughts.  
  
He could not get Chloe's comments out of his head. What if I do lose her? What   
  
if I am missing my opportunity? I can't think about this now. I need to get to   
  
the airport and change the tickets.   
  
******************************   
  
Back at Mac's apartment  
  
Mac was fast asleep on her sofa. She was having a bad dream however it had   
  
started out so sweet. She was dreaming that Harm had his arms wrapped around   
  
her. They were looking at a sunset from a cliff. As the sun set Harm turned her   
  
around and kissed her with so much passion that it felt real. He then told her   
  
how much he loved her and never ever wanted to be without her. But then the   
  
dream took a turn for the worse.   
  
The sky turned gray and it started to rain. The ground they were on started to   
  
get very muddy and Harm could not keep his footing. He fell down with Mac in his   
  
arms. Then they became separated as they struggled. And they started to slide   
  
towards the edge of the cliff. Mac grabbed on to some rocks and pulled herself   
  
up. Harm was hanging on to the edge of the cliff. Mac scrambled over to him and   
  
grabbed his muddy hand in hers. She told him that she loved him and to hang on.   
  
She tried so hard to hang on to him but he was so wet with rainwater that he   
  
slipped from her grasp. She was crying his name out as he fell... Mac awoke with   
  
a start. She was crying and she sat up and hugged her legs.   
  
"I wish you were here right now, Harm. I must be insane. I love you so much, and   
  
yet I don't have you. I don't know how much longer I can take this." She   
  
realized that it was 1 a.m. where has the time gone? At that moment the doorbell   
  
rang. She vaguely wondered who could be here at this hour. 'Must be the wrong   
  
apartment.' She thought. She got up and went to the door.   
  
"Who is it?" She asked trying to sound normal, but sadness permeated her voice.  
  
  
  
"It's me, Mac. Harm." When she heard that she unlocked the door so numb with   
  
surprise that she forgot about the tears.   
  
"Harm what are you doing here?" She asked while turning around and trying   
  
surreptitiously to wipe the tears from her eyes. But, she couldn't fool her   
  
observant partner.  
  
  
  
"Why are you crying, Mac?" He asked while stepping into the apartment and   
  
closing the door behind him.   
  
"Harm, I'm fine." She stated with an unconvincing tremble in her voice. She put   
  
her head down so he could not see her face clearly, but it was too late. He   
  
stepped in front of her and lifted her chin with one hand. He placed the other   
  
one on her cheek. He brushed away a stray tear that slid down her cheek.   
  
"Come on, Mac. It's me. Your old buddy Harm." She looked into his beautiful   
  
eyes, and the deep concern she saw there, made the tears begin to flow with more   
  
force than before. He pulled her into his protective embrace causing her to bury   
  
her head into his chest. And he just held her until she was ready to tell him   
  
what was wrong. After a bit, she pulled back and gazed at him through a fog of   
  
wet eyes.  
  
"I know this probably sound silly, but, I had a nightmare, and I lost you in   
  
it."   
  
"Mac, I'm right here, and as you can see, I'm fine. And I'm not going anywhere   
  
or at least, not for a few hours." He said and smiled at her with his most   
  
charming flyboy smile.  
  
"What are you talking about? Why are you here when you are supposed to be in   
  
California?" she asked, regaining some of her reasoning abilities.  
  
"I should be asking you why you aren't in Vermont, but since I already know the   
  
answer to that, I won't. I heard that someone cancelled on you and decided to   
  
trade in my first class for two business classes. I would like you to come with   
  
me for Christmas. Will you come with me? It would make me very happy. You know I   
  
may be spending the holidays with my family but someone would still be missing."   
  
"Who?"  
  
"You of course. Not only are you my best friend you're also the only family I   
  
have here."   
  
"So, I'm like a sister?" She stated straining to keep a tone of joviality in her   
  
voice, while pain clenched her heart at the impending answer. He picked her chin   
  
up again and bent down to kiss her cheek.  
  
  
  
"No more crying. No I don't see you like a sister, you mean so much more to me   
  
than that terms like 'sister' and 'friend' can convey. You know how much I care   
  
for you." he stated with quiet sincerity. Mac smiled up happily at him.   
  
"Of course, I will go with you, Harm. I am just happy that you are here with me.   
  
What time is the flight?" Hearing that from her was for some reason, one of the   
  
sweetest things ever voiced. He hugged her so fiercely close that he made her   
  
breathless.   
  
"HARM!"  
  
"Sorry. Got carried away there. The flight is at 5 am. Do you need to take a   
  
shower and pack?" He questioned while loosening his grip so she could breathe   
  
again.   
  
"I need to shower, but my things are still packed. It won't take me long!" She   
  
was about to run to her room when she turned back to him and kissed him softly   
  
on the lips.   
  
" Thank you." She ran out before he could do anything. He sat down on the sofa,   
  
waiting for her to shower and dress, and thought about the intoxicating kiss she   
  
just bestowed upon him. 'If I'd have known I'd get that kind of thank you, I   
  
would've bought the whole plane out.'   
  
*********************************************************   
  
A few hours later they were on a plane making their way to Harm's parent's home.   
  
Mac was so excited. She looked at Harm with eyes shining with such happiness.   
  
Happiness that made her so breathtakingly beautiful, that it made him what to   
  
kiss her right there and ask her to marry him. But he just could not banish the   
  
nagging voices of doubt in his mind. There was so much at stake.  
  
But he could not get those damn demons out of his head, the ones that kept on   
  
saying 'You will lose her if you get involved with her.' Harm thought ' Why does   
  
this have to happen to me. Why is it taking me so long to make my mind up? No   
  
matter how many times I try to tell my brain what my heart feels is right; it   
  
goes and does the opposite. My heart says I love her, but logic makes me afraid   
  
of being hurt. If we get together and it does not work out, then there will be   
  
pain for both of us. Mac will ache with the pain of another failed relationship,   
  
and I don't think I can take that; it would ruin out friendship. DAMN IT, I HAVE   
  
TO STOP ALL THIS LOGICAL THINKING OR ELSE NEITHER OF US WILL HAVE A NICE   
  
CHRISTMAS.'   
  
He looked over at his restless partner. Mac could not keep still; she was too   
  
full of anticipation for what awaited them. Harm was getting weary with trying   
  
to avoid her jostling elbows as she constantly shifted in her seat. He had to   
  
find a way to make her stop, for it would take them a few hours to get to   
  
California, and he couldn't take much more. At first he started to have a   
  
conversation with her about some case that she had just finished with, except   
  
that seemed to make things worse. Mac would be sitting straight up with her arms   
  
at her side, but then she would move to her side, after that her other side. She   
  
could not find a perfect position to get comfortable.  
  
"Mac will you sit still, we still have a few hours to go. Get some sleep! Come   
  
here." Harm said to Mac as he placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her   
  
close to his chest so that she could get some sleep. He knew that being this   
  
close to him would have some effect on her and would get her to sleep. He loved   
  
the fact that he made this women melt whenever they were so close. She came   
  
closer and looked up in to what seemed like heaven to her. Her blood started to   
  
boil and her heart raced. It was going a mile a minute. She placed her right arm   
  
over his stomach and her head on his chest. She could not stop gazing into those   
  
eyes that made her world complete.   
  
"I love you so much.," she mouthed so softy that she thought that he didn't hear   
  
those 3 perfect words that God had made. Those words, which made his heart fill   
  
with guilt, and at the same time with so much pleasure. Every time she had said   
  
them he wanted so much to take her into his arms and show her the depth of his   
  
love as well. Instead, he placed a kiss on her forehead and told her to get some   
  
sleep. He would wake her when the time came. "Ok!" Was all she said.  
  
******************************************************  
  
A few hours later they at arrived at California International Airport. Harm's   
  
parents were waiting for them at the front gate. Mac was refreshed from the   
  
catnap that she had had on Harm's strong chest. Harm on the other hand looked   
  
like he had been beaten with a bat. He had been so restless with Mac laying on   
  
him, and with all his dam haunting thoughts that kept plaguing him. His mother   
  
hugged him with a worried face. She whispered in his ear "Are you ok?" She   
  
looked at him with eyes that would make you cry. He mouthed "no" to her.   
  
"Mom you remember Mac?" He asked right as she was going to hug his best friend.  
  
"Of course I remember Sarah, how are you doing darling? I am so glad that you   
  
could make it. We have a room for you that you will love, of course unless you   
  
and Harm….." She looked at Harm to see if she could go on with what she was   
  
going to say, however he nodded no. "Well, you will like your room."  
  
"Thanks for having me at the last moment; my little sister came down with the   
  
worst cause of flu." She said with a small smile.  
  
"I think we should get your things and go home." Harm's stepfather said. So they   
  
gathered their belongs and went to the house.   
  
***************************************  
  
The house was set next to the beach, with the most beautiful view of the sunset.   
  
The inside of the house was all decorated for Christmas. There was red and green   
  
everywhere. You could see a few mistletoe pieces placed under a few of the   
  
doors.   
  
Mac gazed about with a combination of wonder and joy as she walked through the   
  
door in to this house that was decorated with so much love. She saw the   
  
mistletoe and wondered if they would kiss under it like they had a few   
  
Christmases ago. She was still shocked that she was there. Her gaze went to Harm   
  
who at the same time looked her way. They both gave each other a huge smile that   
  
was filled with so much love. It was a smile that said everything without the   
  
need to say what the other was thinking.   
  
" I bet that you are tired. I will show you your room and then you can take a   
  
shower. Mean while I will be cooking super for you hungry animals." Harm's   
  
mother said. As she was taking Mac by the hand to show her the way, she looked   
  
at Harm. "Harm you know the way to your room. Dinner will be ready soon so take   
  
a quick shower and clean behind those ears."  
  
Harm glared at his mother and started to walk to his room, which happened to be   
  
right next to Mac's.  
  
*********************************  
  
As Harm was taking a shower, he couldn't get Mac out of his head. He kept   
  
imaging that she would step into the shower any minute with him and make sweet   
  
love with him. However every time this happened, the demons came back, telling   
  
him that if he did such an act with her that it would mess up their friendship.   
  
He was getting a headache from this. He placed his hands against the tile on the   
  
wall of the shower and leaned his head on it. "I can't keep doing this! It's   
  
killing me, and I'm not even with Mac. Damn it, why can't I make my mind up? I   
  
know that I love her but the fear of getting hurt is not going away. I don't   
  
want to lose her." He screamed out loud, not too loud, but nevertheless loud   
  
enough that Mac heard him in her room.  
  
With out thinking, Mac walked into his room and waited for him to come out. She   
  
could not wait any more, she had to tell him how she felt about what he felt and   
  
what he was afraid of. She thought to herself, 'I can help him through this fear   
  
- all he needs to do is open up to me.'  
  
"MAC! What are you doing in here?" Harm asked as he walked into his bedroom with   
  
a towel wrapped around his waist. "Came in here to see me naked?" He gave her   
  
his best flyboy smile that he could get with out showing her that he had been   
  
really distressed  
  
"I came to talk to you." She smiled a little while getting up from the bed that   
  
she had been sitting on. She had not got the joke. She was too worried about   
  
him.  
  
"Mac what's wrong; you look worried?" He walked over to her and put one hand on   
  
her shoulder. He looked into her eyes to find the answer, but all he found was a   
  
longing and what seemed to be tears about to form. She glared at him and her   
  
heart jumped a thousand beats.   
  
"I am worried about you! I heard what you said in the shower." She didn't take   
  
her eyes off of him. He looked away.  
  
"You heard me, damn it. Mac, I don't want to talk about it right now, please."   
  
She took her right hand and placed on his face.   
  
"Please I want to talk about it. I don't like seeing you this way. I can-" Harm   
  
walked away from her. He kept his back to her.  
  
"Please leave, I would like to get dressed before dinner." He asked her.   
  
"Fine be that way! We will talk about this later." Was all she said as she   
  
headed out of the room and in to her's. When she got there, she threw herself on   
  
to the bed and started to cry. 'I can't take this anymore. He is so stubborn and   
  
hotheaded. What am I to do with him?'  
  
Harm was at the bottom of his black abyss. He was more upset about the way he   
  
had just treated her then what she had found out. Somehow he was glad that she   
  
knew. Nevertheless he didn't know what to do.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Dinner went by with no huge fight. Harm could not stop looking at the woman of   
  
his dreams. He had to apologize to her about before. He didn't want to spend the   
  
best Christmas ever like this. Mac on the other hand only looked at him to see   
  
what he was doing, and of course she got him staring at her. This only made her   
  
hurt more.  
  
After dinner they all went into the living room to have coffee and talk about   
  
how things were at Jag. Mac half the time didn't know what she was saying; she   
  
was thinking about Harm. Little did she know that he was suffering from the same   
  
lack of concentration. Finally, someone said something that ended the endless   
  
speech.  
  
"I'm sorry to end the night so early, but I am getting tired and would like to   
  
go to bed." Mac stated. She looked at Harm as if to ask if he was going to bed   
  
as well, however he didn't answer. She said goodnight to everyone.  
  
Not long after she went to her room, Harm followed suit. He went into his room   
  
and changed into his boxers. He was going to talk to Mac, except that she was   
  
fast asleep when he got to her room. He turned back and went to bed himself.  
  
************************************  
  
1 a.m.   
  
Mac tossed and turned in her sleep. The fight that she had had with Harm had   
  
taken its toll on her body and soul. She was having that same dream as before,   
  
the one where Harm tells her that he loves her. When she is about to tell him   
  
the same, he falls from the cliff. She can't hold on to him and loses her grip.   
  
She is crying as he falls to his death. She woke up with a start, her face all   
  
red and covered in tears. She sat there shivering. 'Not that dream again, it's   
  
because of what he said before in the shower.' She thought.   
  
She could not stand it anymore. She had to talk to him right now or else she was   
  
never going to be able to have an excellent holiday. She got up and went to his   
  
room. He was tossing and turning like she had been. She walked over to him and   
  
placed her hand on his shoulder to wake him up.  
  
"Harm, wake up." She grabbed his shoulders and shook him gently. She paused to   
  
turn the light on so she could have a better look at Harm. He woke up with   
  
bright light in his eyes. It took him a few minutes to get his eyes to adjust to   
  
his surroundings, but when they did, they were focused on the love of his life.   
  
It brought a brief smile to his face that faded quickly when he saw her red face   
  
and swollen eyes still leaking tears.   
  
"Mac, why are you crying?" Harm sat up and wrapped his arms around his partner.   
  
She was thrown back at this and had not excepted him to bury his face into her   
  
shoulder. After recovering from the shock of this action, she wrapped her arms   
  
around him and buried her face into his chest as she began to shed more tears.   
  
Part 3  
  
By Melfina Starwind  
  
After what seemed like ages, Mac stopped crying. She lifted her head from Harm's   
  
chest and looked at him with questioning eyes. She didn't know how to tell him   
  
what she wanted to say without it coming out wrong. Harm gave her a small smile   
  
as he leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead. The taste of her skin   
  
was like candy; he wanted so much more then that. He wondered what she tasted   
  
like in other places. He knew that her kiss was better then any sweets. The   
  
times that he had kissed he had felt like he was on cloud 9. She felt the same,   
  
but at this moment she was very upset. Harm thought to himself, 'Why is she so   
  
upset?' Suddenly he hit himself in the head, drawing a shocked face from Mac.   
  
'Stupid, of course she is upset, and it's because of me! I need to say   
  
something. Damn it, I love this woman.' He hugged her again; his arms rubbed her   
  
back, which made her relax against his shoulder. They stayed that way for about   
  
10 minutes until Harm spoke.  
  
"I am so sorry about before. I had no right to scream at you that way. I forget   
  
that what I said in the shower does not just affect me; it hurts you more   
  
because I can't make my mind up." He reluctantly withdrew his arms and eased her   
  
away from him a little, absently taking her hand and lacing his fingers through   
  
hers.   
  
"Harm I had that dream again, the one where I lost you. You fell off the cliff,   
  
and I never got to tell you that…" She spoke rapidly, hardly pausing for breath   
  
before she trailed off. Harm listened patiently to her, never once letting go of   
  
her hand. He was always touching her in some way. It made her feel better, and   
  
she felt safe to say what she needed to.  
  
"Mac, go on - I am listening. You really never told me about the dream. Can you   
  
please tell me about it?" She nodded and continued.  
  
"Well, it starts out on a cliff. We are watching the sunset, and you have me   
  
wrapped in your arms." Mac looked down at the floor, a bit embarrassed at what   
  
she was saying. She was usually never this shy about discussing something so   
  
imitate, but it was different with Harm. He made her act so differently then how   
  
she was at work. She never acted like this with any of her other guys, friends   
  
or otherwise. She turned bright red like she was on fire; she could feel her   
  
blood boil, and her heart raced so fast that not even a cheetah could catch up.  
  
Harm started to laugh - he could not help himself. He had never seen his Marine   
  
this way. She was acting so much like a girl. He gave her his flyboy smile.   
  
"What are you laughing at? This isn't funny!" Mac snapped and slapped his arm in   
  
play.   
  
"I'm sorry, but you are turning bright red and that's just not like the Marine   
  
that I know."   
  
"I am still a female, and I do have feelings." She started to turn her face   
  
away.   
  
"Oh, come on, I was just kidding! You take things too serious." He said while   
  
grabbing her from behind and began tickling her. She started to wiggle, which   
  
made her laugh at the same time. Of course, she was not going to let him have   
  
his way. She suddenly turned on him and began giving him some of the same   
  
treatment. They both ended up flat on their backs on the bed.  
  
"Ok, enough of that. Would you like to hear the rest of my dream?" Mac thought   
  
'This is not the way I wanted to say how I feel' She looked at Harm's blue eyes   
  
and saw pain where there should be happiness. He nodded so she would continue.   
  
"Harm I don't want you to feel any worse then I know you are. But I'll finish.   
  
We were embraced, and you told me that you loved me. Then that is when the dream   
  
turned for the worst. The sky turned black, and it started to rain. The ground   
  
got muddy, and we fell. I got a grip on a rock, but you let go of me. I was   
  
about to tell you that I loved you before this happened, and as I went for your   
  
grip, I barely got your hand. However, you were at the edge of the cliff hanging   
  
on for dear life. Then I lost your hand, and you fell to your death with out   
  
ever knowing how I felt." Mac threw her whole body into Harm, and started to cry   
  
again. She spoke so softly though his chest and the tears.  
  
"I don't want to lose you ever! I love you so much, but I can't stand this   
  
waiting anymore. I know that you have demons that are haunting you, but we can   
  
work though it together. Harm, please?" She gazed at him with longing eyes. She   
  
was so tired that she closed her eyes.  
  
"Mac, don't fall asleep." But it was too late. Her even breathing indicated that   
  
she already had, and that made him feel kind of guilty. He wanted to tell her   
  
what he felt, but she was gone now. At least he had more time to think now. He   
  
gently scooped her up in his arms and placed her under the covers on his bed.   
  
Then he got in and wrapped his arms around her. He glanced at the clock - it was   
  
midnight. He had too many hours to think about all of this. 'I don't want to   
  
loose her in anyway. I can't dream of not having my best friend, my true love,   
  
in my life. It would be like some one pulling my heart out and stomping on it a   
  
million times. The pain would be worse than I feel now. Yes, I know there is a   
  
chance of losing her if I get with her.' He paused in his thinking and looked at   
  
the sleeping beauty at his side. He had never had an angel in his bed. He   
  
brushed the hair from her face and kissed her so softly that he could barely   
  
taste her sweet lips. He looked at the clock again and this time it said that it   
  
was 2 am.   
  
'Damn, where did the time go? That's it I can't stand not being with her   
  
anymore. I need her as much as she needs me.' Harm lay there for a while more   
  
before he looked at Mac. He still had his arms wrapped around Mac, but all of a   
  
sudden she started to struggle. She screamed his name out and was crying. He   
  
tried to wake her up.  
  
"Mac, wake up! You're having a nightmare." He shook her some until it woke her   
  
up. She opened her eyes to see that she was on Harm's warm chest. He was still   
  
alive which made her so happy. She buried her face into his chest and just took   
  
in his smell.  
  
"Are you ok? Please don't tell me that it was the same dream. Twice in a row is   
  
not what I want you to go through." He wrapped his arms around her back and held   
  
her.  
  
Mac didn't say anything. "I have made my mind up. Me not wanting to be with you   
  
is not getting us anywhere. We both know how we feel about each other. My brain   
  
keeps telling me that both of us don't need any more pain, yet we both still   
  
have so much heartache from not being with each other. I don't want to lose you   
  
ever. I love you so much, Sarah. Please don't ever leave me. I would die a   
  
million deaths if I didn't have you in my life. That would be far worse than not   
  
being together." Mac looked up at her love. She smiled so huge that the whites   
  
of her teeth were showing in the dark. She didn't let him say anymore. She   
  
leaned in and kissed him with so much passion that it would have sucked up all   
  
the air in space.   
  
"I love you, too." Mac said as she broke the kiss. This time he leaped in. He   
  
started to place small kisses on her face. First on her forehead, cheeks, nose,   
  
and finally her mouth.  
  
"I love you so much." Harm said as he kissed the life out of her. He placed the   
  
tip of his tongue on her lower lip. She opened her mouth to let him enter her   
  
soul. This led to Harm kissing her neck, then some how it got out of control.   
  
Neither could keep their hands of each other. One thing led to another, and   
  
before they knew it, they were both totally swept away by their mutual passion   
  
for each other.  
  
Christmas Day  
  
Harm and Mac were so involved with each other that Harm's parents really didn't   
  
see them much. However, on Christmas day Harm did go out with his stepfather to   
  
get a final gift for someone. Mac opted stay with his mom, and they had a girl's   
  
day out. They had a lot of thrills. Mac, however, was thinking about Harm and   
  
the first time they did the sweetest thing two people can do. They had shared   
  
their souls with each other and showed each other how much they loved each   
  
other. All she wanted now was to spend the rest of her life with him. They had   
  
talked about moving in together when they got back home. They were going to find   
  
a nice house to live in.  
  
Finally it was Christmas morning, and everyone was unwrapping their gifts. Mac   
  
got a watch from Harm's mom and bath soaps from his stepfather. She was so happy   
  
to have a family like this. She had never had a Christmas like this when she was   
  
a little girl.   
  
Then it came time for Harm's gift. He handed her a big box with a card that said   
  
he loved her. She kissed him on the lips and started to open the gift. After   
  
tearing through the paper and opening the box, there was a smaller one.   
  
"Harm, what is this?" She asked as she was opening the next one.  
  
"Just keep on opening," was all he said. This continued for about 5 more boxes,   
  
each getting smaller until she finally got to a small blue box. As she opened it   
  
Harm got down on one knee and glanced up at his lover and soul mate. She opened   
  
the box to find a ring. "I love you with all my heart. You are my soul and   
  
without you I would die. I would lose a part of me. Would you do me the honor of   
  
becoming my wife?" He said as he took the ring out and placed it on her hand.   
  
"Of course I will." He got up and kissed her. That was the best Christmas Mac   
  
had ever had.  
  
  
  
The END 


End file.
